I wrote this in the morning and it’s getting moldy just sitting in my draft bin. So, because I don’t want you to be without some new worrying skills, I offer you…
How To Worry!
My friend Susan recently said to me, “it seems your thinking in the shower produces good ideas.” WELL, I DID have some ideas about worrying in the shower this morning, so lets see if she’s right.
I worry. I would like to say it’s genetic and not my fault but the bottom line is “I” worry and “I” am responsible to do something about it. Worring is a sink hole in the path to my best efforts. I don’t want anything to come in between me and those goals, so I’ve been looking for ways to be with, respond to, and/or reduce worry. I think I have figured out how to reduce the hold worry has on me, without ever really trying to make it go away.
To do this, I start with something I enjoy. I really love Sundays for example. I love my Sunday paper and watching CBS Sunday Morning. Public Radio programs on the weekends are my favorite and I even…wait for it…like Sunday football.
Here’s my first point:
In the shower this morning, I started to worry. Random worries, that’s how it is for me. What will happen when the market opens tomorrow? What if I can’t make enough money at X. What if that X becomes President? Can I get a visa to move to another country if he does?” Just a slurry of fret.
As I was soaping up I thought (this is important) “It’s Sunday. I love Sunday’s so I’ll just worry about all this stuff tomorrow.” Put off the worring until later! Why not? It’s not going any place. I don’t have the answers right now so why screw-up my Sunday with it?
I think I have stumbled onto something really great for us worriers. Tell yourself, “I’ll worry about this tomorrow, or in an hour, or few minutes.” You are not denying the worry it’s moment, you’re just telling it, “we’ll talk later”. Worry actually seemed alright with all of this, and it seems, as long as I don’t deny it, it’s alright with being back burnered. This “free floating foreboding” kind of worry seem OK with it at least.
I think this way of talking to our worries is really healthy and here’s why.
1) We are not getting pissed-off at ourselves FOR worring. It is very, very, good for us not to get mad at ourselves, better than eating super foods I think. Because beating ourselves up for worrying is an insidious and corrosive thing to do. Not only are we upset that we are a “worrier” now we are both worried AND MAD at ourselves for being a worrier. Good Lord…ISN’T IT TIME WE THROW OURSELVES A BONE?!!! ?
2) Next good thing. Lots of us worrying types are also….procrastinator types. Also a good thing. BECAUSE we have experience in putting things off until later. So not a big stretch to think, “I’ll worry about this a bit later.” I love this. Seeeee, the things we are used to chastising ourselves about have all come in handy.
3. By putting off what we worry about today until tomorrow, fills in that sink hole so it’s easier to take steps in the direction of ones goals. Even hard steps. If we can just put off the worrying we can do something that can, strangely, deflate the very worry that was keeping us from our greatest selves. Can I hear a Wooo Hoooo?
If we are going along fine and then the sink hole opens up. Not a problem. Just try a few things. First, see if you can put off the worries for a few more minutes while you just get your ass out of the mud. Still stuck and sinking fast. Reach for “support” don’t ask for a rope, can’t ask to be rescued. But you can and should ask for support.
4. Here’s how to get support. Contact someone you know that has your very best interest in their heart. NOT the person who’s used to tossing you that rope every time your sliding. If you don’t have someone you know can give you support. COMMENT on this blog post or CLICK MY CONTACT PAGE! and write me a note. I for sure have your back! I will scream myself horse for you and I don’t keep a single rope in stock!
So just write : Rachel, I want to _______ but I’m in the sink hole and am just sinking fast. We will find out what you need to do for yourself to get outa that muck.
There’s also this…
5. You can always go ahead and be worried and stuck. Yep. I would actually strongly suggest you write out everything that’s dogging you. You might be able to see it for what it is much better this way. You will end up with a list of stuff you can and can’t do things about. This is a very handy list to have.
1. First find something you enjoy that’s right in front of you. A cup of coffee, late afternoon light, the chair you’re sitting on, your old hound napping by your side.
2. Think, why mess-up this thing I enjoy by getting worried about stuff. I will worry a little later and just enjoy this.
3. Since I’m not worring right now, what one little thing can I do in the direction of something I want in my life?
4. Start doing it. Soon as you feel the ground giving way, maybe even before, seek support. Support and rescue are not the same thing. Ask for a “you go girl” or “go dude” from someone who you know has your best interest in mind. Do not ask for a rope. The rope, by the way, might get you out of THIS sink hole but it WILL swing you into a deeper one. Mark my word. Keep moving. Worry will have a harder time finding you if you’re in action!
5. But, if you can’t keep moving, worry, but worry on paper. Write down all your worries. Then you’ll have a list of what you can and can not do anything about.