I am writing a piece about this topic. I would love for you to take this poll in advance of the post!

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7 responses to “I am writing a piece about this topic. I would love for you to take this poll in advance of the post!

  1. My son died in a car accident May 13, 2002. World totally collapsed. Rebuilding was not easy and took many good friends.

  2. Deborah,
    I can not even try to guess how painful losing your son must have been for you Deborah. I think you pointed to an important element of dealing with the pain – true friendships.
    Thank you for adding to this conversation.
    Rachel

    Thank you so much for sharing that. I will look forward to hearing your thoughts when I post my piece.

  3. Yes, it has. A few times in fact. Not the the extent of Deborah, but close. Interesting thing is: the times that I felt really bad involved mostly me, but the times that actually worst ever involved others. In retrospect, the times that involved mostly me were not very important, but situations that involved others (like Deborah’s situation) were very important, and extreme in intensity.

  4. This was a comment that was posted in the little poll box, I missed it all together until it was pointed out to me so I thought I would repost it here since it adds to this conversation and I would hate to have it missed:

    Oct 2, 2008 10:01am ET
    Unfortunately, we don’t realize how fragile our lives are until something drastic happens. Then we have the massive task to clean up the mess instead of dealing with it while smaller. You know the adage – a Stitch in Time Saves Nine? Well, it is absolutely true.

  5. Defining moments are different from moments that shatter your life. I may have to write a piece on that. Some defining moments I don’t remember the actual dates of, although I can look them up. One defining moment who’s impact wasn’t fully realized until you lived the life it defined, is the day the doctors told me the diagnosis of my children’s illness. My sons both had spinal muscular atrophy. Another reason Dan’s death was so catastrophic for me was that he was healthy and on the brink of great achievements when he died in the car accident.

    Other defining moments would be when I accepted my husband’s proposal, when I got divorced, and each time I made a treatment decision about my sons. 9/11 was a defining moment, moving cross country (twice) were defining moments. Not all defining moments are bad.

    Perhaps you need a separate poll/story about defining moments 🙂

  6. Thanks Deborah,
    I do think there is a destinction AND what one person thinks as falling apart may actually be something all together differant.

    I actually think that sometimes the things that bring us to our knees can be one of the most meaningful as remarkable moments in our lives. Do they define you? In my own words now, I would say they refine you. That’s what I hope to get at in my story.

    We might not ask for some of the things that happen in our lives. How we choose to be in these times and move forward from them is what’s important and what I really want to get at. Karen calls spicific moments in her life defining moments. I think my conversation and hers are not exactly the same, you are very right.

    I believe I am talking about moments of refinment.

    As I’ve said before and will be saying again, I don’t think we pick up the pieces. If something is shattered, it is not REpairable. You can make a new design, however, that’s very lovely indeed.

    For example after you found out your children had spinal muscular atrophy, you couldn’t take it back. You couldn’t make them not have this situation. You can go from that point forward, with this new information as part of the mix.

    I really value what you are adding to this conversation, thank you!
    Rachel

  7. Speaking as someone whose life did totally fall apart at one point: I think in the end, when things totally fall apart, you have to accept that you can’t actually put the same pieces back together – those pieces are gone. The kind of self-recreation needed after that takes a lot of strength and faith, two things not usually present in massive quantities in ourselves right after things totally fall apart. But given enough time, and the right attitude, things can get better. I think Gandhi said: you’ve got to be the change you want to see in the world. If we can learn from the crap-storm, and/or apply what we learn from it to make ourselves and/or the world a better place, maybe that’s what we can/should hope for – and know the game’s not over till it’s over (and I think if you’ve lost someone precious, to remember that you have a duty to play and have adventures for two now). P.S. You’re one of my heroes, Rachel! 🙂

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